Intro: I'm a bandie. I play flute. So when I got first chair in my section, I wasn't exactly feeling good about it. I don't really think about it now; my senior friend told me to look at it as practice for when they're gone. Haha.. she's my "Proud Mama." :P. I only put this up here because people said I wrote it really good. So say what you want, cuz I don't know how long I'll keep it up.
So, as most of you know, I got first chair for the flutes. But this is no bragging session. The exact opposite, actually.
You see, I don't think I deserve this chair. And I know what you all will say...
"Oh, but you DO deserve it! Don't psyche yourself out...blah blah blah"
But I DON'T deserve it. There are many more people in that section that are so much better than me. I think the only reason I actually got that spot was because I didn't cave with nerves, if you know what I mean. I know I should be proud of myself like everyone else (or however many really do think that and aren't just faking their sincerety), but I'm not.
I feel terrible about it, actually.
I feel like some people - the seniors, to put it bluntly - don't deserve to be below me. It's not because I'm just a sophomore. It's just that you guys are so much better than I am. And don't say you aren't, because you are. Besides, this is you guys' last year; I have 2 whole years left. You of all people deserve these places.
I know you're thinking I've gone mental because I'm saying that, but personally I'm not happy about this place at all. I was for about a minute and then realized how unfair it is to you.
So go ahead and think what you want. If you're proud of me for getting a chair I don't deserve, then fine. If not, then that's okay too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't like this seat. I feel like i just stole it away from several people, even if that meant gaining their respect. For the people who said they'd "protect me if anyone tried to bash me for beating them," (Laybn, Alyson) it's not for that reason as to why I wrote this. It's not even because some people said my whole section would hate me (Dani). It's because I feel horrible about getting this spot.
No amount of congratulating is gonna help me think it's right. Nor is saying I deserved this spot.
At this point, if someone - ANYONE - challenges me, i will literally GIVE this chair to them.
So, Croasman, Cassia, Amanda, and Alyson, I know some of you - if not all of you - are "proud" of me. But I'm not proud of myself. I think I can wait a year, after you graduate, to have first chair. That's when I know I'll really deserve it...
Go ahead and call me crazy, because I know I'm not.
So, as most of you know, I got first chair for the flutes. But this is no bragging session. The exact opposite, actually.
You see, I don't think I deserve this chair. And I know what you all will say...
"Oh, but you DO deserve it! Don't psyche yourself out...blah blah blah"
But I DON'T deserve it. There are many more people in that section that are so much better than me. I think the only reason I actually got that spot was because I didn't cave with nerves, if you know what I mean. I know I should be proud of myself like everyone else (or however many really do think that and aren't just faking their sincerety), but I'm not.
I feel terrible about it, actually.
I feel like some people - the seniors, to put it bluntly - don't deserve to be below me. It's not because I'm just a sophomore. It's just that you guys are so much better than I am. And don't say you aren't, because you are. Besides, this is you guys' last year; I have 2 whole years left. You of all people deserve these places.
I know you're thinking I've gone mental because I'm saying that, but personally I'm not happy about this place at all. I was for about a minute and then realized how unfair it is to you.
So go ahead and think what you want. If you're proud of me for getting a chair I don't deserve, then fine. If not, then that's okay too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't like this seat. I feel like i just stole it away from several people, even if that meant gaining their respect. For the people who said they'd "protect me if anyone tried to bash me for beating them," (Laybn, Alyson) it's not for that reason as to why I wrote this. It's not even because some people said my whole section would hate me (Dani). It's because I feel horrible about getting this spot.
No amount of congratulating is gonna help me think it's right. Nor is saying I deserved this spot.
At this point, if someone - ANYONE - challenges me, i will literally GIVE this chair to them.
So, Croasman, Cassia, Amanda, and Alyson, I know some of you - if not all of you - are "proud" of me. But I'm not proud of myself. I think I can wait a year, after you graduate, to have first chair. That's when I know I'll really deserve it...
Go ahead and call me crazy, because I know I'm not.